This may come as a surprise to most people, especially those that know me really well-- not ALL of my life is devoted to sock monkeys. For the most part, it is. I get up every morning* thinking about what monkeys I need to make, the cool socks I just bought the day before, what monkeys I'd like to make (but probably won't have time for...), what Eli and Sirus are up to... that's kind of all that's in my brain most days. I'm starting to think that there isn't much more than socks, stuffing, and felt in my head. I hope I'm not turning into a sock monkey!
Advantages of turning into a sock monkey:
1. Adorableness-- every one but the most evil of evil pirates will love me!
2. A tail! Think of all the swinging from things I could do! No more fumbling for keys when my arms are full of groceries, I'll just unlock the door with my tail!
3. No internal organs-- I'm already down one, why not get rid of them all? It would certainly save money on food!
4. No pressure to do things like "be responsible" and "get a REAL job".
5. No body image issues to worry about. Sock monkeys don't look in the mirror and ask "does this pattern make my butt look fat?" No, because it will always look ADORABLE!
Disadvantages of turning into a sock monkey:
1. Lack of fingers. Sure, I can work the keys with my tail, but how would I type?! I like my fingers, there one of the few body parts that haven't failed me yet in some major way.**
2. It would be perfectly acceptable for anyone, at anytime to pick me up and give me a cuddle, because I would be adorable, this would probably happen often. That could be upsetting.
3. No bacon. Now that I can actually eat it, I REALLY like bacon too!
4. Boredom. Not all monkeys are adventure seekers like Eli, who is the first sock monkey to attend University. Knowing me, I'd probably just sit with the rest of the monkeys on the couch, hanging out.
5. Perpetual nakedness. This makes the random cuddles more upsetting.
6. Acts of Dog. I've seen what even a tiny dog can do to a sock monkey-- EEK! I'm already on the fence about dogs anyway***, and to be a potential chew toy would be TERRIFYING!
I think more than anything, the Act of Dog makes being a sock monkey not an option. Not that I have a dog, I'm not even allowed to have one in my building. I'm a cat person though. Kitties know how to treat a sock monkey. No chewing, no violent "make the monkey flail" episodes****. Just cuddles, purring, and occasionally pushing the monkey out of the way. Oh sure, kitties love the taste of ribbon (especially blue ribbon, for some reason, they have no care for yarn though), but I think it's far preferable to have the accessories nommed than the body!
Advantages of turning into a sock monkey:
1. Adorableness-- every one but the most evil of evil pirates will love me!
2. A tail! Think of all the swinging from things I could do! No more fumbling for keys when my arms are full of groceries, I'll just unlock the door with my tail!
3. No internal organs-- I'm already down one, why not get rid of them all? It would certainly save money on food!
4. No pressure to do things like "be responsible" and "get a REAL job".
5. No body image issues to worry about. Sock monkeys don't look in the mirror and ask "does this pattern make my butt look fat?" No, because it will always look ADORABLE!
Disadvantages of turning into a sock monkey:
1. Lack of fingers. Sure, I can work the keys with my tail, but how would I type?! I like my fingers, there one of the few body parts that haven't failed me yet in some major way.**
2. It would be perfectly acceptable for anyone, at anytime to pick me up and give me a cuddle, because I would be adorable, this would probably happen often. That could be upsetting.
3. No bacon. Now that I can actually eat it, I REALLY like bacon too!
4. Boredom. Not all monkeys are adventure seekers like Eli, who is the first sock monkey to attend University. Knowing me, I'd probably just sit with the rest of the monkeys on the couch, hanging out.
5. Perpetual nakedness. This makes the random cuddles more upsetting.
6. Acts of Dog. I've seen what even a tiny dog can do to a sock monkey-- EEK! I'm already on the fence about dogs anyway***, and to be a potential chew toy would be TERRIFYING!
I think more than anything, the Act of Dog makes being a sock monkey not an option. Not that I have a dog, I'm not even allowed to have one in my building. I'm a cat person though. Kitties know how to treat a sock monkey. No chewing, no violent "make the monkey flail" episodes****. Just cuddles, purring, and occasionally pushing the monkey out of the way. Oh sure, kitties love the taste of ribbon (especially blue ribbon, for some reason, they have no care for yarn though), but I think it's far preferable to have the accessories nommed than the body!
Does this look dangerous to you?
Notice the lack of nomming, flailing, and otherwise Very Bad Things in that photo. That, sock monkeys and all, is Isis's favorite spot in the house. Boo prefers to sleep under the covers on my bed, or, when he's feeling sociable, ON Isis. Isis is very understanding about this. She usually doesn't smack him for it. Pan (yes, I have three kitties) tends to sleep on my chair when my butt isn't in it. When my butt is in it, he'll sleep on me. He's like a living, kitty stole.
This is not me. That is not a cat. But it is the same thing.
My theory is that wearing fur isn't bad if the fur in question is still attached to the animal and the animal wants to be worn. Pan is a tiny cat. Boo tried this once, and sent me face first into the laptop keyboard. Pain was involved, mostly because Boo tried to jump from the dinning room table to my shoulder and Boo is HEAVY. Sure, he doesn't look heavy, but he's twice what Pan weighs at least!
Pan, Isis, and Boo, in the only photo of the three of them actually side by side.
Sure, Boo LOOKS the same size as Pan, but Boo has no fluff, and Pan is ALL fluff (it's find the disappearing cat when he gets a bath). Boo, if he were fluffy, would be about the same size as Isis.
I live on the first floor, and while my neighbors might not know who I am, they know my cat. Everyone in the entire town knows Boo. Boo is friendly, he's bald, and he likes to go on car rides to Petco. Any time I bring him out, it's a guaranteed two hour adventure as everyone he sees has to pet, photograph, and ask about Boo.
Boo LOVES this. He LIVES for this. In fact, when we go out to Petco, he finds a girl he thinks is cute, and will proceed to make sure that he gets lots of attention from her. I swear I didn't train him to do this, he's just a natural schmoozer. Also, he loves the girl that sells Blue Buffalo food. I usually end up walking out of the store with a bag of that if she's there because Boo will get very upset if I don't get the food the pretty girl is selling. Boo is a pro at pouting if he doesn't get his way.
See? I am totally a cat person.
This past weekend was also Eurovision. For those who have never heard of this, it's when all the countries in Europe (and some that are bending the rules of geography) send a representative to preform a song in front of... well, pretty much all of Europe. There is voting, there's cheesy pop music, there's some kind of spatial distortion that allows Israel to be part of Europe, and there's LOTS of sparkly costumes.
Being in America, all I could do is watch it streaming. So far, they haven't bent geography enough that America is part of Europe, but I have a feeling that we'll be part of Eurovision eventually. Some of the acts are questionable (there was one country that sent an old guy in a plaid coat) and others that were awesome. I was totally rooting for Moldova and Ireland (in that order).
Moldova:
This was one of the best uses of that Giant Screen of Awe that I saw.
Also, the first time I heard the song, I thought it was about souvlaki. The song is actually called So Lucky.
Souvlaki:
Delicious, but not song worthy.
Ireland:
Also an excellent use of the Giant Screen of Awe, and by far the Best Use of Hair.
While, either of these two winning would have made my night, it was Azerbaijan that won. I'm not really sure why, because to me, their song was pretty much like any popstar duet that's ever been made.
*Shrug* what do I know, I live in the US.
Azerbaijan:
*For my purposes, morning is whenever I get up, not necessarily the AM hours of the day.
**I had lyme disease as a kid. This means on any given day, I can wake up and one joint (or more) will HURT. Even places that you don't think are joints. This should be another plus for being a sock monkey-- no diseases!!!
*** They give me hives. Even the ones that aren't supposed to give people hives.
**** My sister has a dog. I once gave her a monkey to chew on so she wouldn't be stressed out (the dog, not my sister, my sister can handle being away from home just fine. We crate trained her.). The first thing the tiny dog did? Grab the monkey by the middle and FLAIL! There was growling involved and everything. The dog totally forgot that my sister had taken all of the toys and the doggie bed to her car.
